Yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life. When I think about it, I guess today qualifies too. Every day is an inflection point. You can make any decision you want to disrupt or continue the flow of your day-to-day life. Preserve those unconscious decisions we make on a day-to-day basis. Don’t rock the boat too much. What happens when that boat turns over?
I felt a bit sad yesterday. I woke up realizing that I am quite insecure. Untethered to a job that helps give me built-in credibility, I do and say stupid things to make myself feel important and better. This is something I need to be mindful of. I thought I would jump out of bed every day energized and ready to go. I am actually exhausted. There is a lot of healing that needs to happen.
I appreciate people calling me, checking on me, and making sure that I have some plans and that I’m not doubting myself too much.
Of course when I change one thing, I’m tempted to change everything. I had applied for a new apartment in Williamsburg, BK, and I have my current lease in play as well. The final idea is moving out of NYC. There’s Denver, Portland, SF, and LA. The Venice Beach dream continues on.
For once, I’ll take things slowly.
Celebration #2 was yesterday. I had a bunch of friends over to celebrate my escape and new life. How telling it is that I didn’t celebrate with anyone when I was taking on this new job, but the exit is one of the most joyous occasions to date. So far, I’ve have 4 parties planned – Chicago with work, Friday at Scarpetta, Saturday at my apartment, and now Sunday, at brunch.
I am so grateful to the world and to myself for getting out of a bad situation, even if it meant giving up some elements of security. It was the right thing to do.
Discomfort Woman 