Friday was my last day of work. I can’t believe I walked away from hundreds of thousands of dollars to a life where my greatest aspiration might be exercising 3 times a day. It feels empowering to leave a toxic environment. It’s truly shocking how devious people can be, and no matter what you plan to do to overcome that toxicity, if it is omnipresent, there may be little you can do except eject yourself. Survivor’s guilt can be a potent thing.
I am a VP and P&L owner of a large corporation, and the last two years of my life have been incredibly stretching in many dimensions. I learned just how capable I am in terms of handling overall workload and span, getting things done quickly, operating effectively in crisis mode fixing a crumbling organization, and somehow prevailing–at rare moments, thriving–in a dysfunctional environment where people literally are out to get you. Very strange. I wondered if all of Corporate America was like this, and a non-direct colleague who’s had a long career as an executive at a few other corporations underscored that he had never ever been in an environment this unhealthy and unstable. The organization itself it sick.
For the past week, my boss and I had discussed reporting lines of my direct reports. Several configurations were discussed, and I felt satisfied that things would be okay. The psychopathic senior director of finance did not seem in the running for taking any elements of my team on into his organization. Late Thursday night, I received word from my manager that three of my employees would end up reporting to him. My head hit the roof, and I immediately said we needed to discuss this. First of all, why would product people report into finance? Secondly, how many times do I have to mention this guy’s unprofessional and abusive behavior. I voiced my concerns with my manager again early Friday morning, my last day. He said that unless there was a formal HR complaint, he would not be able to act on any of the information I was providing. So…me telling you that I needed to insulate some of my team members from this guy’s incessant and relentless picking, torturing, and non-sensical but degrading comments and bullying tactics and that they’ve come to me in tears…this is not enough information to act on?
In Chicago, earlier in the week, people were just shocked. I was the #2 executive in the business, and there is no announcement saying what’s going on and wishing me well? Many had no idea it was my last week of work. No class. Plus, the implication that I was fired, which wasn’t true at all. As much as it could have been good to stay, I knew that in the grasps of someone so self-serving and devious, I would never be able to survive or keep my dignity. I’m glad I went to have a happy hour and say my goodbyes vs. hiding in NYC and fading into the darkness. I was certainly tempted, but I am glad I did things the right way.
I’m stepping into the abyss. And it feels good. Unemployment is going to be weird but so much better than the POW camp experience I am leaving behind.
Lunch with a co-worker at Biricchino on 29th and 8th Ave.
Goodbyes to the head of editorial and marketing manager.
A few hugs. No emotion. I was done and ready.
Then some conversations with startup people at my friend’s startup’s space. What a different world that is too.
At night, we celebrated at Scarpetta with some raw fish, incredible spaghetti, the short rib and bone marrow-filled pasta, goat, and some other unmemorable meat dish. It was incredible. Dreams of short rib and bone marrow pasta! I never celebrated on the way into this job, but life and everything is a party and celebration leaving it.
Discomfort Woman 