Me: Hey Buddha, why am I so disturbed?
Buddha: You’re going to have to elaborate on that. I feel numerous disturbances in many areas of your life.
Me: Fair enough. Let’s start with attachment. What is the difference between attachment and love, and do I have the ability to distinguish between the two?
Buddha: Love can express itself as attachment, and so, the two intersect. Love is a completeness of feeling – it is pure and otherworldly, and it asks for nothing. Love is about the other and something bigger. Attachment is about yourself. Attachment clings through abuse, neglect, self-loathing, and other negative things that can be a mirror for what we lack in ourselves, proof somehow that we are not worthy without that appendage. We know what is missing. Then we cling to its manifestations outside of ourselves rather than build up fortitude within ourselves to strive for that completion.
Me: Okay, dude, but do I have the ability to distinguish between the two?
Buddha: You know what builds you up and what tears you down. You can feel that acutely. Whether you choose to ignore it or listen to it is up to you. When is the last time you felt love?
Me: I think I felt it over the summer.
Buddha: What did it feel like?
Me: I felt puffy, translucent, and expanded. And now I feel like a Portuguese man of war that has been baking in the sand for half a year. You would have to send my pieces into a lab to recognize that I was once alive.
Buddha: What will you do about it, little one?
Me: First of all, I’m not so little. I need to let go, Buddha. It’s hard to build and destroy. Maybe it’s more like a controlled fire in a forest though. By burning away a few things with intention, the overall forest will grow in a more vibrant way. Sometimes you need to sacrifice lively pieces of your life to move forward.
Buddha: Mm-hmm.
Me: Alright, cool. What about work, Buddha? Is it necessary to toil so much?
Buddha: Life is hard. It’s important to work, but don’t lose sight of who you are as a person. Do not let it corrupt you. Do not let it cast shadows upon those other areas of your life that carry meaning. And if you are handicapped in those other areas of your life, don’t exercise your work muscle to get stronger and stronger there. A slight disparity and imbalance in strength gets magnified over time, and you will even grow weaker in the areas where you once demonstrated strength without the foundation of the other areas to hold you up.
Me: Okay, so how do I do this?
Buddha: For once, let me be very practical and prescriptive. Work as hard as you can in the hours you have allotted. In the remaining time, use it wisely. Rest when you need rest. Play when you can play. Laugh loudly. Love freely. Give with your heart. Be a beacon for your past, present, and future self in all of your actions. Stop living your imaginary life inside your head. There are real problems to solve within yourself, but you can resolve those issues through living wisely in the present. Stop being afraid.
Me: What about the people who hurt me?
Buddha: You cannot protect yourself from hurt. You can only have the tools developed within yourself to let it pass through you gently as information rather than as a reason to constrict yourself even more.
Me: When do I start this program?
Buddha: Today. It’s always today. Happy (Chinese) New Year, little one. Go Broncos!
Discomfort Woman 